Tough Love

I thought I had lost you forever. Figured you were done with me; had enough of my irresponsibility and immaturity. If I were you, I’d be sick and tired of the neglect and mistreatment. The many times I just simply ignored you because I felt I had so many other important tasks to take care of. I was so busy. Hey, I’m an important person – or so I thought. Until the moment I didn’t feel you by my side. All I had time to do was think; think about how badly I had treated you. I felt so lost. Who would I turn to now? Who was going to be there for me? You were my strength (at least up until I thought I was strong enough to handle this life on my own). The truth is I can’t live without you.  I keep calling your name, “Love”. I whisper it to myself every time I remember how you were always there for me. I scream it aloud at every thought of you no longer being here.

I cry sometimes.

At first I’d pretend that your absence didn’t faze me but that charade was very short-lived. Until the night I cried myself to sleep simply because I no longer felt our connection. I poured my heart out on that pillow case sheet. The loneliness was too much of a burden to bear; I had no choice but to release it through my tears. I realized that this was exactly how I made you feel; as a result I cried harder. I missed you.  How could I let you get away?

When I awoke the next day, it was as clear to me as the spelling of my name.  By neglecting you I was only neglecting myself. Every time I shut you out, I wounded myself as well. This moment of clarity ushered in feelings of remorse, guilt & shame. Then suddenly I couldn’t even remember my name.

Until I heard you whisper it.

“Yes?” I respond (heart racing, tear ducts swelling), is it You? Are you really here? YOU ARE! You hadn’t left me! You just needed me to understand the consequences of my behavior. You made me in your image, out of love and every moment that I ventured away from who I was (away from you) I was only hurting myself. Dear God! You do love me! I proclaim your name with such reverence and joy – “LOVE”. A lesson learned.  I am a reflection of you. You are the most important aspect of my life and to live without you is to live a life without love. 

Her Peace Of Mind: Introduction

“I am ready for love, why are you hiding from me? I’d simply give my freedom to be held in your captivity.” Oh India Arie sings these lyrics so well that I can feel each word tug at my heart and has me almost moved to tears. Pick me! Choose me! Marry me! Anybody! Somebody! Please! The life of a single woman in this day and age is downright depressing. To suffer heartache after heartache, disappointment after disappointment; a woman is bound to become an emotional insecure wreck. Just think about the following scenario.

You see him. He sees you & notices you noticing him. You both look away and then glance back as soon as you think the other isn’t paying attention. You attempt to get a better look at this man. “Am I really attracted to him”, you ask yourself. You have to make certain it isn’t a fluke and he really is fine. Yes, he is yummy! Okay, now that’s out of the way it’s time to do some inventory. Nice smile? Check! Well dressed? Check! Are other women admiring this tasty piece of flesh? Check! Oh yes, he just may be worth a bit more attention. Let the flirting begin! The encounter becomes a success and ends with phone numbers being exchanged. Yay!

A few telephone conversations ensue then dinner & a movie, maybe bowling or a walk in the park. You notice how excited you get when he calls; you get butterflies – oh the feeling has never been so enjoyable. Being the hopeful romantic and optimistic woman that you are, you imagine a life with this man.  You envision a future; meeting his mother, hoping his sisters like you, what would the kids look like? Hoping they’d inherit his eyes because you drown in them every time he looks at you. Yeah – you’re in love. It’s official – you’re floating on cloud nine. Lucky you!

Then, without warning, something happens. You don’t know why but all of a sudden those fluffy white clouds that carried you effortlessly have now disappeared. Reality sinks in and you fall out of the light blue sky and SMACK face down on the concrete. OUCH! People are watching; waiting for your next move but no one bothers to extend a hand and help you get up. You’re too embarrassed to even look up so you just lay there hoping that you become unconscious from the impact of the fall. Praying that when you awake it was all a dream and you’re still in love. Sorry honey, but it was all real and so is the pain that rest on your chest like a shipload of bricks.

So here you are all alone with your thoughts of single life (dreading being alone forever) and they go something like this:

I am standing alone on ground that has existed longer than I have lived

A world whose history encompasses endless accounts of life forgotten

Untold stories of days long lived but forever lost because no one was there to witness

Their open palms were left bare with only their own skin to caress

Their lonesome arms dangled at their sides aching for flesh to embrace

Their eyes blurred with desperate tears relentlessly searching for a welcoming face

For someone – anyone who would attempt to care

Offering their most valuable possession – their time, just to be there

Sadly, no one took the time to even smile in their direction

They were born, they lived and they died; their life a complete rejection

Discarded by those that walked this very ground on which I now stand

Alone and neglected – waiting for someone – anyone, to hold my hand

...Forgotten!

Her Peace of Mind in its entirety is available on Amazon at the following link: http://t.co/BV4I8jj