A Letter To 10 Year Old Me

Dear Baby Girl,

Hmmmm, where do I begin? Of course I have to be completely honest and let you know that the road ahead will be a whole lot tougher than the first 10 years you’ve experienced, or should I say survived? Yes, you are a survivor. You will be victorious over many things but most of all you will learn to love. It seems so easy to do but the truth is as you get older life and people will break you down. Little by little you’ll begin to lose faith and trust in the two. You were born with the ability to express love and to receive it. Unfortunately, circumstances will occur and you will both reject love and hesitate in offering it to anyone. This may seem farfetched because right now, at 10 years old and despite the hurt you’ve already endured, you courageously still choose to love. As I said, people will hurt you, life will confuse you and at one point you will question God. This is a defense mechanism you have built internally to help you cope with the pain. It is because you don’t yet understand that pain/hurt is not just there to make your life miserable (as you will at one point believe whole heartedly). You’ll learn that it is more of a warning sign; an indication that something is wrong and (at the same time) an opportunity to grow.

How so you ask? Let me give you an example. Before your eighteenth birthday you will be adopted. Yes, someone will finally truly love you so much that they will want to call you their own. You will have a family. I smile right now as I share this with you because I know it is something your heart craves, especially knowing that you currently reside in a group home. Don’t worry; this is not home for you. There is a special woman (with a whole lot of personality) that God (yes He exists) will allow to enter your life. I tell you this young Liz, she is crazy. Not crazy like a schizophrenic, but crazy as in “very passionate” about you. You won’t understand it at first. You won’t even be certain that her love is real and you will doubt her sincerity but this is only because so many others, before her, have lied. However, as life goes on (because it has to, that’s what life does) you will understand her love and joy that she possessed just because she called you daughter. The next thing I’m going to share about your future (and it hurts to do so) is that at twenty-two years old you will lose your mother. She will die and it will shake your world. You will doubt the reality of the situation. You will be angry. You will isolate yourself from others. And, you’ll even be upset with yourself – wishing you had spent more time.

Due to suffering such a great loss, you will begin to evaluate your time with such scrutiny that you will almost drive yourself crazy (and this time I mean crazy like a schizophrenic). My baby, you will cause yourself even more pain than you should all because you have grown afraid to love again. It will hurt. You will even subject yourself to unhealthy relationships and you won’t even realize that you’re the one allowing it to happen. Your heart will harden even though you will try to display a carefree and happy soul to the world.

As I share these happenings with you, logically it’s hard to believe one would overcome victoriously with such strength and optimism about life – but in reality that’s exactly what you will do. Believe it or not, Liz your heart will be as light as a feather. Your spirit will illuminate with peace and your understanding of love will develop so profoundly that you will want to share it with the world. Guess what, that’s exactly what you will do! You’ll become an author (independently published by the way) and you will share you search for love, and all of your discoveries, with many. 

Oh how I wish I could share more. I crave to tell you exactly how you’ll overcome, but if I do then you won’t be able to experience these lessons with a pure perception. Just know that it won’t be in vain & you will find love. Okay, I will tell you one more thing – you’ll realize that you never lost it to begin with.

With all that I am & all that you’ll be 18 years into the future,

Liz